Chapter 4: Emaj
“Teresa is dead; this can’t be real,” I thought, holding back tears so my friends didn’t see. I can’t be the weak one here. I have to be their rock; I have to be there for them. It didn’t help that the sky seemed to get darker, and the rain started to fall harder and faster. Salem and Gertrude flanked both my arms. Salem was short, skinny, and curvy on top. Mellow yellow skin contrasted with her black, straight hair that reached her shoulders. Both of them held my arms. Gert was even shorter, under 5 feet, but thicker than Salem. Her strong Filipino features and long dark brown hair made her look like a model. Both of them held onto my arm, tears flowing along with the rain. I could see the others; Paige and Liam came together, and so did Grant and Waldo.
I could have been there with Teresa, possibly protecting her from whoever murdered her. Instead, that night, I decided to stay home. I didn’t care for her boyfriend, Shalin, so when she got into a fight with Paige and called me to come with her, I said no. As much as I had a crush on Salem, Teresa and I became closer. Shalin was a jerk to her, and she would tell me about their issues.
“I still can’t believe this is happening.”
“I know it’s cliche, but she’s in a better place.” Gertrude looked up at me. She was right, of course. Those of us close to Teresa would hear that often in the next couple of days. It helps a little, but it also hurts.
“Yeah, you can’t keep beating yourself up,” Salem said. She looked more worried about me than the funeral. Understandable; she and Gert didn’t know Teresa that well. They came to support me, and I appreciated it.
“I know, but she called me that night,” I revealed to them. I didn’t share that information with anyone, not even the police when they asked. I didn’t see how that would help Teresa. Plus, thinking statically, they might think I’m a suspect.
“Why didn’t you go, then?” Salem looked surprised. As if my actions that night didn’t match up. She was right; usually, when a friend calls, I’m there. But how can I tell everyone that she also called me, Shalin was on his way to see her. So, out of sheer jealousy, I had called over Erin to come to the party with me. That would make me look like a jerk, a jealous boy who couldn’t meet up with a friend who needed him. All because Shalin was everything I wasn’t.
“I got caught up with something and…didn’t feel like going.” I lied. I mean, it was sort of true. Watching Gert and Salem shed tears almost made me lose mine. Salem crossed her arms and looked away from me before I turned from both of them to hide my watery eyes. I could blame the rain.
“Were you and Teresa hooking up?” Salem questioned, and it felt like she used her Aikido skills to slam me to the ground. Salem loves psychology and pegged herself as a decent profiler. She could tell I was hiding something, but I’m pretty good at psychology too. How would telling the truth make me look to her? Salem is the love of my life and doesn’t know it. I wish I was good enough for her. I didn’t want to look like a jerk, but I knew I couldn’t hide the truth. Maybe, she will see this as me taking accountability instead of me being a jerk.
“No,” I passed. “I mean, we were trying to figure it out. She and Shalin were having issues…” I looked back to see Sara still observing me, like a therapist. Gertrude had turned away and seemed more upset than before. I think she may have a crush on me, but she never made any overt moves. If she did have a crush on me, I could understand because, outside of my boys and Nicole, Gert knew about my crush on Salem. I hope that wasn’t the case, but Gert and I were pretty close thanks to trips and her being friends with Salem. Not that I was using her.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she looked at her hand, turning around. A brown spider was on the back of her hand. I noticed a few other spiders floating on webs during the rain. It was weird that they would even be out, but I’m not an entomologist. Her words choked out of her mouth, so I could tell she didn’t like the fact that I was admitting to at least talking to Teresa in a romantic context. She sounded more like a concerned mother than a friend with a crush.
“Like I said, it was nothing serious. We were trying to figure out her Shalin situation.” Time to save face. I looked down real quick and could see a spider on the lapel of my jacket. Flicking it off, I managed to hold back the tears and make them retreat. It’s the small wins sometimes. I’ll cry later, by myself. “Where are these spiders coming from?”
Gertrude walked back over to me with a disapproving look on her face. Like a damn mother. Salem also walked over, but her concern turned into something else. Sadness? Did she become upset that Teresa cheated on Shalin with me? That I allowed it to happen? Oh god, now I don’t have a shot. I should have kept my mouth closed.
“Well, if you don’t want to talk about it, I understand. Everything is still so fresh. I’m here for you.” she said, and both of them gave me side hugs. Their warmth fills the air around us. I guess maybe I didn’t ruin my chances. Shalin crossed my mind as I thought back to Teresa. I better not see him before the cops do. I kept that to myself.
